textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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