I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
