She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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