We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
