Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize