Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm at about main and main street
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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