Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
two words: eviction party
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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