It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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