Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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