puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
