He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
