I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
