Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
