Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
