i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
