i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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