Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Acid is not a monday night drug
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
