I murdered the dance floor call the cops
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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