Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I understand Curling. That high.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
