is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
