I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize