ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So squirting runs in the family.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
