the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
