I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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