Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
