I think im going to throw up on grandma
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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