Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
