He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
