she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
