she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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