It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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