I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
zippers are such a cool invention
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
