R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
