just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
