That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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