ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
