I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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