I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry about my life...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
