Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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