i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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