I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
