Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
