don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
