No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
