i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
