Jerry, you need to find god
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
