Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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