PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
