Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
