I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
