I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
