cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
