You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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