You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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