Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
