Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(848): View more from New Jersey

life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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(503): View more from Oregon

My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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(607): View more from New York

you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever

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(772): View more from Florida

Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night

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(815): View more from Illinois

I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half

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