Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
