all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
