The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
