Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
