ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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