3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
