Me too!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
