Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
