I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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