The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
