can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
