Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
