You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize