if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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