Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Congratulations! We have a period
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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