so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
