Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
