Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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