You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
