He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
