Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
