***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
