I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
