i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
