the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
