Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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