my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
