I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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