but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize