I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
