my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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