he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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