do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
