I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
there is glitter all over my balls
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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