Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
